Flower Power
Save a Breath for Nature

Satire by
Sarah Emily Jordan


July 2009

I’ve figured it out! I know how to stop the devastating effects of climate change. I mean it’s a good thing I came along when I did. All the climate change that happened previously in Mother Earth's long illustrious history did not do nearly as much damage as the current catastrophic warming, I mean cooling, I mean change, will do to us and our posterity. This is the time for FLOWER POWER.

It’s all about Carbon, right? Carbon emissions, carbon footprints, carbon paper, carbon with a side of Oxide. No, make that 2 sides of Oxide.

What brainiac Climate Change scientists seem to have failed to either realize or disseminate to the public is that the emissions they are talking about are not just Carbon, but the ultimate planet destroyer, Carbon Dioxide: also known more simply as CO2. It’s really scary stuff.

It turns out that when human beings breathe in they breathe oxygen, but when they breathe out, they expel CO2. Stupid humans! Can you imagine how much better the planet would be without the human maggot infestation?! And don’t even get me started on the ridiculous amounts of animals we have roaming around spewing their noxious CO2.

Thank Nature, though, we have beautiful, beautiful plant life. Plants will save us. In their generous self-sacrificing ways, the plants ingest the CO2 and then again in an act of profound mercy release oxygen for animal life. Plant life is thus the true life source of the beautiful planet.

We are not yet in a position to dispose completely of animal life, though Justice Ginsburg's recent comments were certainly illuminating. So, we have to find a reasonable alternative.

I suggest all animal life be required to carry a plant everywhere they go. They will thus provide beauty (that hardly exists when they are alone) and also cancel out their noxious CO2.

Can you imagine how lovely it would be for cows, instead of bells around their necks, to carry a potted plant in a carefully crafted container so they cannot eat it (filthy vermin). It would certainly be a start. Plant life could save us all.

Of course there would have to be a heavy tax on replacement plants. That money could go to all sorts of wonderful things, like Flower Power Health Care or Flower Power Redistribution of Wealth. Shout with glee for plants!


[ sarcasm off ]

Seriously now, I do believe in being good stewards of our planet. Pollution should be minimized, in a safe and secure manner (physically and economically); littering is definitely bad. I even use a tote when I go shopping (though I confess I don't always remember). I love this planet including the amazing vegetation. God in His glory created a planet with an amazing system to keep both us (and all animals) alive, as well as plant life alive. It’s way cool, and deserves to be respected, but not idolized.

The "climate change" scare is ridiculous. Does the climate change? Yep, today had a different temperature than yesterday. Does it change over time? Yes, its called history of the planet. Global warming / cooling / climate change is a tactic used for money and control. I would not be surprised though to one day get a package from the government with a potted plant I have to carry around my neck all day.


© 2009 Sarah Emily Jordan

First appeared at
Sarah Emily Jordan's blog
The Conservative Independent Rant

See also her
Plants Clear the Air
An Inconvenient Meeting on Climate Change

More by Sarah Emily Jordan

Breathers at Troynovant
lifeforms & biologic processes:
wildlife & pets, evolution & ecology,
health, medicine, & disease

Utopias at Troynovant
utopia in power, or dystopia


Troynovant, or Renewing Troy:    New | Contents
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