The Beast of Yucca Flats
  

Director: Coleman Francis
Writer: Coleman Francis
Cast:

• Tor Johnson — Joseph Javorsky; the Beast
  
• Coleman Francis — narrator
    
• (better left unnamed) — others

1961

There is a brief setup introducing Tor Johnson as defecting Soviet Bloc scientist Joseph Javorsky, heading into the Nevada Proving Grounds. This is followed by some car-chase and gunplay (your cat could shoot better, and drive better, too) in the Nevada desert. Soon a test atomic explosion kills everyone but Javorsky, who is transformed on the spot into the Beast — sort of an irradiated zombie. The Beast staggers off on a mindless killing rampage in the near-empty desert, until counter-attacked by almost equally incompetent lawmen.
  

A quick summary of The Beast of Yucca Flats:

• Conception: what?
• Science: no.
• Writing: very bad.
• Direction: erratic.
• Plot: an ignorant assortment of fools and incompetents collide randomly.
• Acting: nondescript, down to embarrassing.
• Narration: making badness explicit.
• Cinematography: your cat could do as well with a cell phone, on the first try.

There really is nothing here.

  
© 2011 Robert Wilfred Franson