In My Opinion Here's Who Reads What
Capsule Profiles of American Newspapers
 

Satire by
Jim Cotter

 

January 2002

  
Self-identification in black & white

  • The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
      
  • The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
      
  • The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
      
  • USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.
      
  • The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
      
  • The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country, and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
      
  • The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and they don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
      
  • The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
      
  • The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
      
  • The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

  

  
© 2002 Jim Cotter


  
Appeared in The Firing Line, January 2002
California Rifle and Pistol Association (CRPA)
  

  
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